So this is goodbye.
I want to start by saying thank you. Thank you all, for everything. These really have been the craziest two years of my life, and you beautiful, amazing girls have helped me through them, whether you know it or not. Some of you have been with me through it all, and some of you amazing girls I’ve met along the way. I love you. Each, and every one of you. I really, truly do. And I will always remember how amazing each of you is.
Polyvore is much more than just a fashion website. I think we all know that. In our deepest subconscious, we know that in some small way, Polyvore has shaped us.
It has been said that we won’t remember this, that Polyvore will disappear from our memories. God, I sure hope not. It’s been awesome. It really, really has.
Polyvore has made me who I am. It’s not my whole life by any means, but it has played a part in who I’ve become. And I want to thank y’all for that. Because of you, I am me. I think that’s a good thing. I hope that’s a good thing.
So many things have changed these past few years. I’ve grown as a person. Not only because of Polyvore. Believe me when I say that these years, while I will always remember them fondly, have been no walk in the park. I’ve been broken, but I’m recovering. And I think I’ve been dishonest. I’ve never told anyone any of this, and I should have. So I’m sorry. I hope you all will forgive me. This is something that is important to me. If you want to hear it, go ahead. If not, just click out of this set.
I'm deeply Christian. I love going to church. And to mission trips, and to big Christian expos. But a few years ago, I didn't even believe in God.
Then I met David. Long story short, he was like a second father. My rock, my anchor. He helped me find God and for that, I am eternally grateful.
But then he left. I lost him. I just... lost him. My mentor, my friend, my pastor.. I lost him. He left me alone, and I crumbled. I didn’t even believe in God when I met him. But he opened my eyes.. he really did. I saw what I was missing, and warmth poured into my life. My grades improved. I made friends. I was.. enjoying life, for the first time in a long time. And then he left. It wasn’t his fault, but still. He left, and I was by myself. Alone. He left, and God left with him. Or at least it felt that way.
And now, I’m still recovering. It’s hard, dealing with the loss of someone. But it’s even harder when you feel you’ve lost something more. I feel as if I’ve lost God. It scares me. I’m not the same as I was before. I don’t know if I ever will be.
When David left, I shut down. For two weeks, I didn’t sleep, and I barely talked to anyone. When school started again, it was all I could do to fake a smile. The people around me believed that I was happy, and soon, so did I. I reconnected with my old friends, and I slowly began to feel better.
That year was fine. My wounds were still healing, but I still felt the absence of God in my life. I tried to fill the hole, but it was hard. My friends helped, as did the awesome people I met on polyvore.
The year after, I saw him again. He promised me that we’d stay in touch. We didn’t. Months after, we met again. And he was different. He wasn’t the David I knew before. I was crushed.
I broke down. I neglected my schoolwork, my friends.. everything. My friends reached out to me. They helped me. I wouldn’t have made it through had it not been for them. One friend, however, didn’t help. My best friend... she didn’t even try. I was hurt. I pushed her away.
The rest was a blur. There was foolish name-calling, backstabbing, secrecy, rumors... I blocked it all out. All I knew was that I had lost her. My best friend.. literally my anchor.. I lost her too. And if she's reading this, I want to say that I'm so sorry. Our relationship will never be the same, and I'm so, so sorry. I wish we could go back, but we can't. This pains me more than you'll ever know. I won't forget what happened, and we'll never be the same, but I hope you don't hate me.Please forgive me.
That was this year. Now, I’m just trying to keep my head above water. It’s hard, but I’m alright. And I have to thank y’all for that. I’ve made some great friends on here. I love you forever.
But Polyvore’s helped me all that it can. I have to face my problems on my own now, which is scary. I’m starting high school, and I can’t be clinging to Polyvore or using it as a safety blanket. I have to leave. It sucks, and I’m so sorry. I don’t know if you will ever forgive me, but I hope you do.
PERSONAL GOODBYES; ♥
To Sydney; http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=801286
Girll I love you(: I can’t believe how supportive, sweet, and thoughtful you are. You are genuinely an amazing, beautiful, talented, and lovely girl. I will always remember our jokes, our roleplay stories, and our long, rambling messages. You were always there when I needed you.
To Holly; http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=318514
It was such a pleasure roleplaying with you. I can’t believe your creativity, and your brilliant writing abilities. Your stories made me laugh, cry, and sometimes a combination of both. You’re such a sweetheart, and I truly enjoyed talking with you, joking with you, and sympathizing with you. It was a blast, and I wouldn’t change one bit of it.
To Trinity; http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=534494
Oh my gosh girl. Kenna thinks Trinity is an amazing friend, super fun to talk to, and the world’s most hardcore Narnia fan. Haha(: Trinity, you are so great at giving advice, and talking with you about everything felt like second nature. I’m so sorry we lost touch, and I wish we hadn’t. I hope we can pick our conversations up again sometime.
To Mckenna; http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=614948
I love you, same-name buddy! Our conversations were soo fun, and I'm so glad I finally found a McKenna older than me(: haha I will miss our long, rambling convos, our epic list-making, and the way you could always cheer me up.
To Maddie, http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=1202700
I've only known you a short while, but you're SO sweet. Thanks for always bringing a smile to my face, and for being the sweet, awesome, amazing girl that you are.
Oh my gosh(: It was so great getting to know you! I can't believe that I met you through polyvore, when we went to the same Elementary school! Best of luck in Texas, and I hope that I get to meet you one day
To Vikki; http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=121096
You really are amazing. I'm so sorry we lost touch, and I hope that we can pick up our conversations again soon. You helped me through alot and you're one of the first friends I made on polyvore. I love you(:
To Hillary; http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=718683
This sucks.. I wish you were going to the same high school as me. Polyvore was going to be the way we stayed connected.. I promise I'll get a facebook soon. It was awesome going through middle school with you. You're such a great friend.
To Jordyn; http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=873898
Myy gooodneesss(: You are so awesome. You’re beautiful, confident, and amazing, and your faith in God is inspiring. I’ve so enjoyed talking with you, and making a group with you. You’re one of the most brilliant people I’ve ever talked to, and I hope that we will stay friends. I love you like a sister, even if I haven’t known you for long. Not only are you an amazing human being, but you’re also an amazing friend. Thank you so much for always being there. I love you, girl.
And thank you to Meredith, Cari, Katrina, Yekaterina, Ash (Hollisterbabe), Amelia, Sydney, Maris, and others, for being my inspirations and always keeping it fresh(: You girls are very talented, and you always gave my something to aspire to.
Despite all of the drama that has gone on in my life, on and off polyvore, I will look back on these years and smile. I’ll remember it all, and cherish every memory.
Thank you girls, for being amazing. Each and every girl that I’ve ever been in contact with, Messaged, faved, added... you’re all awesome. Never forget it. Despite everything else, you’re all beautiful.
I will love you all forever, and I will remember polyvore forever.
At this point in my life, I don't need polyvore. I'll miss it, but I don't need it. I might create a new account later, but I'm done with this account.
ROLEPLAYS READ HERE;
-MMN.. my god. I'm soo sorry, but I have to let go of Kirsten. I love you all so much and it was a pleasure roleplaying with you. Maybe I'll rejoin in the future.
Feel free to comment. I'm giving my e-mail to the close friends listed above, and if you PM me and ask, I'll probably give it to you too.
I'm not going to be sad. This sucks, but it's right for me, and it's a new beginning. Who knows? I might come back someday.
So, for the last time on this account, I’m kenna. And I love you.